Okay, time to get real. I weigh 308lbs. 308lbs!!! How did I get this high? Well the answer is pretty obvious but why I didn't do anything about it yet remains a mystery. I have always been unhappy being overweight. I have always been extremely obese and never once since my teens have I accepted myself or said I am happy like this,

Some people truly don't care that they are overweight. They make the most of life and don't worry about every little thing. But I do. How many stairs are there to climb? Will I fit in that chair? Will the seatbelt fit etc etc. I complained my way to 300 lbs. Telling my husband over and over how unhappy I am with my weight and how it limits me in what I do. Well I say either do nothing about it and accept yourself the way you are but then don't complain about all the little things or do something about it.

So today I am starting the WW points plan. Thing is I don't even think I can succeeed. I am sabotaging my efforts already and it is only 8am! My goal is to get through today and be on program points wise.

I really am my worst enemy. I am doing it to myself. I have an incredibly supportive husband who would help me as much as he can but it's ME who just isn't doing it. It's me who wants to eat the cookies and bite in that chocolate cake. Or feel the ice cream melting on my mouth. It's me who doesn't want to give up the food I love. I'm addicted...completely addicted to food. But it's also me who wants to get pregnant and be able to do things with my child. Me who wants to do normal things and stop being held back by my weight.

I know WW uses the saying *Nothing tastes as good as thin feels*. I have a hard time believing that! My outlook needs to change. I need to work on that. I need to work on being more positive. I need to make choices...good ones, soon or I can kiss my life goodbye.